But what’s it say about the Holy Grail?

Life as an elementary teacher in Korea is not an easy one. On a daily basis I receive information regarding a wide range of situations and events which require my immediate attention. Quickly processing this information and calculating the best possible course of action is what keeps my head above water day in and day out. I’m talking of course about the school memos that come hurtling towards me from the ether 3 or more times a day.

As mentioned in an earlier blog, these memos are mostly in Korean, but thanks to my sources at ‘Google Translate’ I can quickly receive a clear, concise, accurate and reliable translation of these messages in time for me to act on their content and save face/show up at the right time/prepare for unexpected events and what-have-you. I thought it was time for a blog entry showcasing some of these messages and the enlightened steps I took after deciphering their meaning.

So without further ado…

March 18th:

Are meals room.
Today is planting rice meatballs simmered sauce minced celery stalk celery geomsikhaeboni scored after completion of cooking portion of the fiber was not completely removed.
Perhaps he found geupsikjung Is not debris will be known in advance incase surprised.
Look more carefully in the future so we will pre-process

I was a little apprehensive heading into the lunch room that day. If the poisoned celery wasn’t enough look what I had to deal with later that day:

Associated with a character education schools month we say is the implementation plan.
Training Plan for the ‘we all say hi karate’ will also be submitted.
I urge you to miss Airborne me a morning together at the time greeting, please take time to try.
3 seconds to stop and karate, and put three kinds of mind, three seconds to say – 3,3,3 principles offer me a greeting in March
‘pleasure’ as is customary. Have a nice day.

I hid under my desk and focused on happy thoughts and digesting the celery from lunch.

On March 28th I briefly entertained the theory that everyone at my school was a vampire and they were biding their time to turn me into one of ‘them.’

4 months seems a tough three months passed.
Enjoy spring in March and April Have your blood charge.

April 22nd: I’m not sure if this one was supposed to find its way into my inbox….

Sports is.
You certainly want to hump Pucca ㅅssina mida laser.
Sports hengsa ipmida the week next Wednesday. Seongjigok, rains postponed.

I don’t know who ‘Pucca’ is, but I bet he was laying low/praying for rain the following Wednesday.

May 3rd:

My mother respects her parents during this very busy with little time thou art greatly appreciated. The bread was ready to drink. Lesser, but delicious to eat would be appreciated.

I’m not sure how you interpret this one, but I carried around a tiny piece of bread in my pocket for a week or so in case I ran into the busy Shakespeare lover whose really old mother was never satisfied with the quality of her drinking bread.

May 5th: Whenever I translate one of these messages I give it a quick read to make sure it doesn’t contain any information that might affect me. If it doesn’t I discard it – no sense inputing data in the logical, well oiled machine that is my mind if it isn’t of relevance. I was about to throw this one out until I got to the last line or so…

There are many. Collect items First altteulbajahoe ilgyo room Keep this in 2-3.
Bulls deurilttae connect the whole place will be known.

Closed Saturdays and holidays at the discretion–>> children plan to ask the survey. Kulmesinjeoui flood
I’d like to get out. Numbers on paper and sending a note should be sent to the last half .@–>> 3-5
Paper is sent as payment.

Oh no. The dots connected in my mind quick as lightning. ‘Kulmesinjeoui flood’. ‘Collect items first’. ‘The whole place will be known’. ‘I’d like to get out’. Convinced there was going to be a massive flood and that the rest of the teachers were preparing their ‘items’ to be put on an ark that was in an as yet unknown place I spent the rest of the afternoon discreetly tailing my co-teachers to see if I could ascertain the location of the ark. A series of Indiana Jones esque adventures ensued.

May 15th:

  The deadline for submitting the application sources gongripgyo 06/24/2011 (member schools) and paid to the person who made ​​the decision to withdraw to be careful and do not wish hoc If you’re five minutes from the end of sympathy, please contact
(5 is estimated to be without it until the end)

Wait a minute. Who do I contact when I’m five minutes from the end of sympathy?

May 19th:

8 is a river guide for women’s volleyball.
I play the game as the man is the second game.
The first game because it takes time to know what time’s come I can not ragoneun.
Elementary School auditorium is the venue today, the Art of Fighting.
Please help I can win a lot of cheering.

I covertly inspected the female teachers in the lunch room that day, looking for an adam’s apple or some other clue that could give me the identity of the one who sent this message, fearing Wesley Snipes was hiding from the IRS in my Korean Elementary school. 

May 23rd was an eventful day:

Moist, rainy afternoon –
The day you have trouble taking your time sitting in a shelter for one brief moment let’s arrange.
Rose Festival got his neomneom did suffer. The principal also sent a thank you did.
2:00 3-5 30 minutes in the classroom, I’m waiting for them a little snack. One, especially a man who can not fall.
Thank you.

Cryptic.

Then I got this one:

Guidance Tip>
∙ Maps milk program thoroughly: I did not want to eat a lot if you found away to the bathroom, so be sure to eat in the classroom, maps, and maps to drink the whole bottle (ex. jjakjeomgeom, etc.)

Good advice for anyone, in my opinion.

And just to show that these memos aren’t all crazy nonsense (at worse) and poorly translated (at best) here’s one that includes a kinda nice poem. I’m now being serious: I’m going to finish this entry with the poem and let you draw your own conclusions (actually I think the poem is nice enough that I don’t want to ruin the effect it may or may not have on you by saying something stupid after you read it.):
Lower rain today, sadly.
But this peace means your mind is probably thanks to several teachers. Rose sports a thick shaft lantern ceremony organized cooperation and generosity of many teachers who sports gimukjun Burke, manager of gimmyeongseon charismatic leadership, careful planning and do not ya think about how. Is only able to audit. Okay, sir. Your way down to the desk with a heavy layer 5 did a lot of trouble, do not sleep too late to come early in the morning taewoosin generous teacher enthusiasm, teacher who is moving behind the scenes hard to thank everyone.
June will give you the belly of a small party

       You

 Living a wild world
 When I get rough
 Put your hand in front
 Guiding people
 Hopefully, you’ll

 My heart is sick and suffered
 When you become dewy look
 Peace of mind against the wool
 Lending to the chest who
 Hopefully, you’ll

 One day in the rain
 In the depressed state of mind
 When I was alone
 The music flows in a cafe
 Someone buy him a cup of tea
 Hopefully, you can.

 My mistake committed by mistake
 All the blame from me
 Even though it left until the last
 To send a warm eye
 Only to trust a man
 Hopefully, you can.

 Please be happy today jeonhyeongdon Dream

Advertisements

About bnbnower

A recent graduate of Carleton University, set adrift into the real world with no tangible goals or properly defined aspirations, I decided to set off for South Korea where I am teaching English as a second language. In my spare time I read, rock-climb, play frisbee and watch movies and television.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to But what’s it say about the Holy Grail?

  1. Linds says:

    I JUST LOL’d AT WORK (uncontrollably)
    hahaha
    people are going to think i’m as crazy as the guys who wrote you those memo’s!!!

  2. Jim Kingdon says:

    I wouldn’t want to be in Pucca’s shoes either….

  3. Mom says:

    am thinking you should consider finding a new contact at google translater….:)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s